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5.7.05
alien pop song
life is progressing wonderfully.
school
regular classes are going well - really enjoying a&p and finding that i have a real affinity for it. my
practice has been equally enjoyable and things feel like they're coming together. i certainly feel like
i'm heading in a lovely direction.
in addition to regular classes, i have also taken one elective thus far: polarity. it was incredibly
intense and definitely sold me on the benefits and effectiveness of energy work; future workshops this month
include "the art of inner seeing," which was highly recommended by previous graduates and concentrates
on seeing into one's patient in order to treat them holistically - should be very interesting, and
also "intro to ayurvedic massage," which covers pretty much what it's title implies. i'm having a tough
time deciding whether or not to take a few extra electives, for which i'll have to pay an additional hourly
rate - less than the cost if i were to take them as continuing education classes after i have my license,
but still pricey nonetheless.
mindwalk
we've also been working on our communication skills and how to follow a specific journaling process that
was devised by ira progoff; that class inspired a lot of introspection, particularly around the topic of
my relationship (or, lack thereof) with my father. lately, i've been struggling with whether or not i
want to begin making an effort to reconnect with him; i still have a lot of low-lying anger and hurt
surrounding my relationship with him - and, when it gets down to it, he disowned me and has made no effort
to include me in his life after doing so. while part of me is saddened that perhaps i'll never be able
to reconnect with him on healthy terms, another part of me is just fucking pissed - and that inspires
stubborness and perhaps a bit of self-righteousness. when i tried to communicate to him what i needed
several years ago, he opted to not have me in his life over trying to work through things with me and
that really hurt me. why should i work to reassemble the relationship when it appears that he has no
intention of giving the same effort? clearly, i am still at odds with how to proceed.
intrasensory perception
i had a dream about my grandmother the other night. the setting was rather odd; i think it was a hybrid
between my grandmother's house, the house in fremont and the flat in london at which i stayed with the couch
during my visit to uk/ireland in '99. actually, i believe the only flat-related influence to be the kettle
and the stove top, but in my dream i recalled that it looked familiar and i was racking my brain to place it
when my heart began slamdancing behind my rib cage and i caught a whiff of my grandmother's scent (in my
memory, she usually smelt of banana bread).
when i walked from the kitchen to the dining room, she sat at the table, looking quite unlike she had when
i'd last seen her. instead of the frail, determined crone who had tottered about giggling at her
great-grandchildren, she was the robust, determined farmer's daughter, with ropy biceps from daily dough
kneading and the salt-and-pepper hair i had known through much of my childhood. my heart beating faster,
harder, i couldn't believe she was sitting there and while my mind raced wildly and i felt my chest on the
brink of explosion, i managed to croak out the question: if you're dead, what am i?
at this she laughed, but not without a trace of bittersweetness, and she told me that the hardest thing
about changing from physical being to entity was the act of giving up present tenses; she had thought the
inability to classify herself in a fixed location was going to be more difficult, but found that it came
quite naturally to her and that, really, it was the loss of verb conjugations that bothered her the most.
love&kisses
kay and i were talking today about some future happenings, particularly in regard to my finishing school and
some concerns i had about the financial side of things - when i've secured my license, how long will it take
to support myself via massage? i'd really prefer not to dip into my retirement funds, but if the
situation necessitates it, i'll do it. she got a great job a few weeks ago, programming for a company
that works with media applications, and things are on track for her to take care of a few big ticket items
within the next few years. she mentioned that she can help me out and that i had helped her so much over the
past few years that she had no problem helping me until i was on solid ground again financially. having been
independent and running my show for so long now, without the option to rely on anyone else for financial
assistance, it really is taking a bit for me to leap into that mindframe: partnership. it simultaneously
thrills and terrifies me; the terror has nothing to do with kay, she's amazing and i couldn't have idealized
a better partner - it's that trusting someone to that extent is a little freaky. the thrill is that it's
exciting to know that i have a partner in crime! she's so cool.
we've been thinking that we would like to move in the next few years to a new city; right now, boston and
its surrounding environs seem to be high on the list. i want to live in a beach town, she wants to live in a
city, it seems the best compromise - and it would be a great experience to live on the east coast for awhile.
as i think about it more and more, i am growing to love the idea and really want to visit there to find out
what it's like. one great thing about being an lmp is that i can build my practice anywhere. how exciting!
when my brother moves to the east coast later this year, kay is going to move in and the cohabitation will
begin! wahoo :)
el jardin
my garden is flourishing! how exciting to have a bunch of veggies in my backyard. i really love the peace
and meditation it provides - weeding = clarity + peacefulness.
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{copyright
katherine oak 1997 - 2005}
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