october 4, 2003

grass boxes

velveteen fog soaks into this town. it sort of triggers a type of longing that i associate with a running directory of alternate realities that i wouldn't mind experiencing at some point in my life. today's selection: working in a bookstore in some sleepy, seaside town - walking to work through crisp, fog-enriched mornings and interacting with a group of 25 rotating characters. i have a feeling that i usurped that alternate from some silly hollywood flick at about age 10, but it's stuck with me and i like to bring it out every so often, dust it off and imagine.

school update: i am taking 'intercultural communication' which basically means we have to talk about ourselves and allow our instructor to blow our minds with amazing ideas, such as the fact that the largest building in the world is located in kuala lumpur and not the u.s. "does that surprise you?!?!"

um, no.

it's good and bad to be in the academic environment again - i had forgotten the stupidity of the design a bit, and community college feels just like high school. i'm just taking the one class, two nights a week, but imagine that i'll expand that to full time next quarter. work is a bit strange right now, as two of the new folks battle out who is responsible for what these days - the drama and politics have little to no end in sight. i used to take all of it so personally and really let it imbue a painful negativity in my life, but i've seen so much of my zeal drained out and dried up there - it has taught me to never value a professional relationship above the personal needs, direction and goals that i must nurture and pursue throughout my life.

after six long, crazy years, it has just become "the job i do while going to school." my, how things have changed.

lisa asked me last night how on earth sean and i got along. "you're so similar and in my family that means we alternately really love and really hate each other so we just spend small chunks of time together." i really love having sean around and it makes me happy that we have such a strong, respectful, loving connection. i love him immeasurably and i value his participation in my life very highly. although we have our differences and our approach to life doesn't always synch up, living with him over the past year has kicked ass - and it's been a lot of fun setting up this new apartment together. he really is an excellent individual - brilliant, funny, caring - i wish more people could know and appreciate him. he is extraordinary.