{august 12, 1999}.......,...................................<--ramblings, observations, & mistranslations---
clouds lick these knees. temper and taunt the solidity of my hips, jeer my slippery eyes, serenade my four-hour smile.....precipitation lingering on the curled edge of time. mourning nothing but last week's last week.
tantamount, of course, is a mention of my extreme business and plain laziness regarding this site. it seems i've been promising new material since the day this place was put up and.....i realized i really don't have the motivation, or time, to properly execute what i would really love to do. so, i'm scaling back a bit, learning a few new things, and one year i'll dress this place up so you'll hardly recognize my dreary prose and immature observations. until then, you can either leave me for some nudie pics (and you know i wouldn't blame you a bit) or just hang around every so often and take a look at what i've got the time to puke out onto the page.
i'm heading off to europe in three days and i'm quite enthused. it will be a nice break and....there is so much i want to do. sometimes i hate the inertia of the invert. the vacation is completely unplanned, i'm just going to.....move through and watch the world unfold. we'll see what happens, but i'm at this wonderful point that i'm really open to anything. go ahead, ask me for money. bet i'll say yes.
anyway, my sweet nothings, this is a brief note to attempt to rectify my nasty delinquency. i know all three of my readers were sweating bullets of hate and impatience in regards to my lackadaisical approach to this site, and i apologize deeply for any permanent psychological damage. i promise the next time you see me here, i'll have more to say than just, "i'm ready to explode."
{may 5, 1999}.......,...................................<--ramblings, observations, & mistranslations---
"it seems i was doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before."
summer has been birthing itself slowly throughout the past weeks, each morning greets with the kittenish squeal of sunshine. this is......god......sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. i keep dreaming......
.....i keep dreaming in an all encompassing orange. not only the color, but the acidity, stains all my moonwalks, converting most things into sepia, severing the limbs and roughening the edges of the myriad of characters that visit me nightly. i hunger for more tales of unimaginable adventures and must hold myself away from kissing the silly jester of insanity by staying awhile. i wake as tired as when i closed my eyes, my head filled with frenetic visions of bastard imps and tortured thighs, always with your name on my lips.
and you know who you are.
i have been underneath a star lately, sometimes i imagine it as a glorious blimp, pregnant with change and understanding, floating coquettishly along the horizon, a distant goal, a cruel joke, a forgotten promise.....but at other times i identify with it more as a pregnancy within, not without, a visitation from something altogether more ripe, a force astronomically joyous, energy or light or perfection or all of it. it has made me question where on earth i've come from, and more constructively, where on earth i'm going. necessity lies in the act of creation and i label my current state of apathy as a direct result of attempting to work against my nature. i find a rash beneath the surface of all i do and the hypocrisy is making me less than amiable, i assure you. how to experience creation while caught in the stale wind of stagnant dissonance?