RAMBLINGS, OBSERVATIONS, AND MISTRANSLATIONS

~october 20, 1998~

"walked away released from all my crimes."

chopped off the locks tonight. now i've got short highlighted hair, i'll take a pic and post it soon so y'all can see what i'm talking about. it's really cool, makes me look like a totally different person. but, enough of the pleasantries.

i feel like getting muddy.

when my last semi-ltr eva-sweet and i were together, and we were "in love" and totally mooning on one another.....we spoke of having children. this is a subject that has come up with one of my local sweets over the past couple of days. i have not been thinking of babies for awhile, it is a subject that seems to come up when i am in love and feeling those wispy warm googlie bits slither along my inner thighs and the ends of my nipples. it's an easy thing to forget about when i haven't a lover that is interested in me in such a fashion.....it's like i feel that glow and i start to get......well, not to sound cliche, but since i've already slid down the slope, i get weak.

~october 17, 1998~

i don't know if you'll remember, but about five months ago i ranted about the washington state liquor board's decision to make le speakeasy a 21+ club. this whole summer we have been reeling because of it, watching our customer base drop as our slowest season came upon us. it was rather depressing and i'll tell you, busy days are certainly a sight for my sore eyes. the cafe is definitely an ecclectic mix o' thangs: jazz, ambient, & lounge music.....theatre productions.....independent film screenings.....internet/technological access provider.....we even have a nonprofit wing (run by lovely miss norma jean) that is, among other things, an outreach platform for kids whom would otherwise not be exposed to techie goodies. you should check out the website for the cafe, iffin yer interested in those particulars.....

anyway, back to the main ramble. my co-conspirators and i (damit amit & two braids) have been in brain trust mode the past month, the outcome of which is our latest playpen of revelry.

so.....what is it? here's the poop: mimsee jones international is our moniker, our collective if you will, for an all-encompassing, all-ages arts event that will be taking place every other wednesday night at the cafe, beginning november 4th. i'm so excited about it i could spit fire.....which i might very well do, depending on our guests that night. the line up for the 4th is:

bakudan

dj eddie (of xoos & mowgli)

performing with

brad houser (of critters buggin, edie brickell & the new bohemians)

opening dj putney swope (of bakudan)

& featuring the artistic explosions of

roman, bethalynne bajema,

& the docile looney collective

since this is the first official arts event i have put on in my life, it should prove to be a learning experience, if nothing else. but that's really what we're going for: providing an accessible environment for kids to get involved in the arts....i believe our mission statement is something like, "mimsee jones international is working to further all-ages exposure to intelligent beats, local musicians, and the creative sciences." we tried to make it as vague, yet descriptive, as possible, but.....

so that's the something big that's been going on. explanation as to why i haven't been on the 'net very much as of late, or why i'm lagging in the email department. the last week has been booked with work and getting the first promotional launch for the show off the ground. special thanks to bethalynne bajema whose art is gracing our flyers and posters.....she's really very talented, & for a mind-blowing experience, check out her site. it will knock your socks off. she has so graciously agreed to allow her art to be a part of the event, even though she isn't from seattle. one of these days, if it takes off, she'll have to fly out and see for herself the carnivalesque quality we're shooting for.

my lovelies e/mat & malice have been gracing my presence, and all of ya that check out the guestbook (sorry, it gets randomly erased every so often -- shit i gotta put up with, i guess, until i get my own guestbook.....*grumble, grumble*) with their words. e/mat has suggested a book the famished road by ben okri that, after reading his selections in the guestbook, i'ma definitely hafta check out. and malice just made my answering machine blush with her lovely phone message (soundin' egzahctly layk a suthin bale, i might add). onna theses days i'm not gonna be so busy.....but......

this is a long entry, i've got a lot to say. on to some mistranslations.

in our last episode i was lamenting the mediocrity of feeling powerless.....as per usual, it was a rather meandering entry, but i try very hard to go unedited before you, my sweet nothings. when speaking with my local sweets i realize that i'm just being impatient, but there are so many things i want to do. i read on a bathroom wall that we should "make our stay here on earth vibrant and obvious." i like that: obvious. it sounds like so many synchronized guitars, playing something from the blue moods of spain. (great album, btw, for meditating and hanging out by yourself in candlelight.....) the aching of alone can get to be too hard to bear, and i know all of you know what i'm talking about.....seven seconds of heaven can make me cry when i think of all the minutes of wasted time spent in wishing for something else. i don't think i want to feel like this, i don't think i want to act like that, i don't think, i don't think, i don't think.....indecision is not really the definition of my curiosity, it's the prevailing vibe of my alone. i am by myself so much of the time.....it's by choice, i know this, that's why i don't let myself get too itchy.

in a month i turn 23 and 22 has been a loooooonnnnnnng year. so much has happened, it's funny. it's been a great year, but all my years have been good for one reason or another. once i learned to just breathe, it's all been.....well.....a breeze. certainly it's still hard to keep it real every minute of the day, but that's what i hope i'm doing, surrounding myself with people who do the same. i feel close to my bastet75 pals, despite the fact that i've never met them face to face.....the raw loveliness we exchange in our writing, i am blown away how much i know about e/mat and malice's hearts and minds. day to day, i've got no idea. i love that, though, i love the intimacy we share with eachother so many miles away, so free from the toils of everyday schoolbooks and deskjobs. i have a feeling that if one day we all meet, we could make something luscious happen, just explode in art or some such shit.

the internet is a double-edged sword in that respect. it all seems so easy to begin with, but like life, it's got secret nooks & crannies that actually expand and contract depending on what's going on "in real life." it's just as real, though, but in different ways.....it exposes those raw parts of you, more so because of the anonymity, and will teach you as much as you're willing to learn. that's what life is, too, only most people don't really take advantage of it. supplication to easy is probably the most tragic element to humanity. sometimes i think it may also be the most beautiful.

~october 11, 1998~

"and i'm waiting for the king of the world to come and rescue me

from this land that's lost in dream."

and so it is that sometimes we meet people and we feel something like a patchwork history exploding behind our eyes. last night i wanted to write about it, but it was too difficult to find a context for the headiness. so i smoked some pot and danced for awhile.....but i didn't forget why i was avoiding, what i was avoiding.....

i don't want to find my love and lust for life lost in the dusty oil of age.....it scares me when i think that my youth is my greatest burden but also my most delicious gift. it gives me my edge. and what would i be if i were to lose my romantic's license to reinvent and rewrite? what is really so bad about living in a fantasy?

i remember when i was younger i was afraid i was going crazy because i would lie about shit that didn't mean anything. it was like i wanted to live in a movie, all the drama, none of the headaches. and one night in mallorca i realized that i didn't want that anymore, that my way of reinventing history was too close to the itchy lines of schizophrenia, and whenever i feel comfortable in alone i shiver, again, at the thought of pretend. it's a spoiled and selfish way to see things, to approach things. this high of mine, this smoothing of the cracks, this seperation from what is real, it is an opiate that only i can sustain. alone.

what i'm going on about is the realization that something i never thought would happen, but kind of wished it would, really isn't ever going to happen and when i slip into this unwanted headiness, this fake explanation of what is real, what my fingers and nails are trained to type.....without me looking at the screen, or the keys, i write in tantrum and i am nothing more than a woman with a hobby. a hack. and i had wanted to be so much more.

heard it's all about the 'i'.....but i'm sick of that when the chemistry comes knockin' down the door.

~october 4, 1998~

prints by technicolor. i have been cleaning up some unfinished business that i rather childishly abandoned in my ill-gotten youth. the whole 20/20 hindsight thang. but actually, more of not understanding how instrumental someone is in your life and when realizing this, not knowing how to go about telling them. that first word is always the hardest, but i drink in the excitement of new.

i watched a film last night in which was said, "sometimes the easiest way out is the right way out." when thinking about film school, this definitely applies. while being simultaneously the most difficult and the easiest choice i could have made, film school makes sense. it's hard for me to choose to follow my art because i am often wondering what, in the end, it even means.....and i am sometimes worried that i am getting into something that perhaps will only cause me pain and confusion. that's why it's so hard to just dive into it. it sometimes isn't physical enough for me, concrete. like i understand how fleeting life can be and i really wonder where my happiness will lie. at times, pursuing an artistic vision seems so selfish and i nakedly deny myself the sort of self-absorption that it involves. but i suppose that, as with anything, there are different dimensions to it and even something as poetic and self-deprecating as being a masseuse can end up twisted into a lack of vision. reality has so many shades and it really depends on which pair of glasses i wear.

i am also desperately missing ireland. it always happens this time of year, when the leaves are covering the ground and the air smells so crisp and clean. i really love autumn, but every season has it's highs and lows for me. i don't think i have a favorite season per se.....except for the one that i am currently in. when summer passes i don't want it to leave, but fall is so delicious i hate for it to go.....then winter brings such a variety of rebirths that follow into spring. i am always content in each season. i hated being in southern california because there is a complete absence of seasons there. always the same, how distasteful. change is good! anyway, if the rio thang doesn't work out, which i don't think it will just because of bad timing, i am starting to plan for a jaunt to ireland next summer. should be easy enough and hopefully i can swing it because i definitely need a vacation. planning for a vacation is almost a vacation in itself!

both malice and e/mat are promising some new works soon come, so i hope to have the goods in the coming months. they are both going through a lot of changes and it's cool to see that reflected in their writing so i'm really excited to see what they send me. no doubt they'll be beautiful.

tög go bög ë,